Words of wisdom

Friday, January 28, 2011

Why Is It That No Matter Where You Live The People In Your Neighborhood Are The Stupidest People On The Planet?

Case 1:
It has been snowing off and on for several days now.  Kind of a nuisance, as we seldom know the night before if the kids will be in school, if we'll have to go to work the next morning, if we should really make that emergency run before the snow starts to the supermarket to buy bread and milk and toilet paper and other so-called 'essentials'.  But we live on a cul-de-sac, which I guess is some ancient French name for a road that does not "go through" anywhere and, conversely, ends in a circle.  Got it?  One way in, and one way out.  And the road is not very wide, I'd say maybe about 3 car widths.  So inevitably some of my my genius neighbors park their cars on the street and leave them there before the snow storm.  And when the snow begins, and continues and continues and continues, and the snowplows come to our neighborhood to clear our road, well, they can't do such a great job.  They must slalom around the cars that the idiots decided to leave on the road.  I cannot wait, and I will truly rejoice, when a plow takes out one of these cars, and I will take a day off of work to go to court to defend the plow driver by saying that, yes indeed, the cars should not have been parked on the relatively narrow street before a snowstorm and that they should have instead been parked in the idiot's driveway (yes, we all have driveways capable of holding up to 6 cars ... yes, 6 cars).

Case 2:
When the plows did come through yesterday they left just about 2 lanes' worth of road free and clear of ice and snow.  Genius neighbor #1 across the street parked their car on the street.  Let's do some quick math: 2 car widths minus 1 car width = 1 car width left in the road for everyone to pass.  But I'm not done ... Genius neighbor #2 across the street then parked their car in the street, on the opposite side from the first car, and just one car length up from it.  Now picture Olympic ski slopes.  Those guys and gals are built and trained for slaloming around alternating obstacles.  Our cars (and in particular my li'l ol' kick-ass Prius) are not; nor should they have to be.  Yet when I pulled out of my own driveway I had to pull back up the road an extra car length or two, aim properly for the slalom opening, and then go.  Oh what fun ...

Case 3:
As I was heading to work, driving the kick-ass Prius, slightly pissed that I had to slalom my way past my own front yard, I got to proceed about 100 feet when I had to suddenly stop yet again,  Another idiot neighbor was digging his pick-em-up truck out from .. oh yes ... the side of the street.  They had either parked on the street and gotten plowed in, or else they were trying to get said pick-em-up truck parked into that already-plowed-in spot and gotten stuck.  Either way, the idiot and their truck were sticking halfway into the street, blocking that half of the street.  So I had yet again to do some wacky driving with the now off-road kick-ass Prius and try to crunch my way through several inches of crunchy snow to get around idiot #3 (or is this #4?? ...  so many to count ...).

These were all in just the last day or two.  Had I decided to blog these frustrations after the blizzard that hit us early last year, it woulda been oh so much longer.  The people getting stuck all over the place because they just don't understand that their car, with a ground clearance of maybe 6 inches, just won't be able to pull itself over snow drifts over a foot high.  The people who, as the blizzard is truly getting underway, decide to hop in their car and go out for ... yes ... very important ... Domino's pizza.  The people who shovel their snow from their own driveways onto the already cleared (somewhat) road.  Is it so hard to throw in THAT direction instead of in THIS direction?  Really?  REALLY??  Ugh ... I hate this crap!

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